"I set out aged nineteen with every intention of becoming the world's greatest Shakespearian actress and ended up as Lizzie Birdsworth, the shearers' poisoner!"

- Sheila Florance (as quoted in Helen Martineau's brilliant biography)

And aren't we glad that she did?!

92 years ago last week, on Monday, 24th July, 1916, in the seaside suburb of St Kilda, Melbourne, Australia, a baby girl first drew breath into a world of turmoil, who would grow up to become, many years and almost a lifetime away later, responsible for breathing life into arguably one of the best loved characters in television.

Sheila Florance was such an extraordinary, remarkable woman that she really deserves a blog in her own right. Well, actually, that's a completely absurd thing to say! She deserves waaaaaaaay much more than a blog, but that's the best that I can do to express my appreciation for her within the limited bounds of my capabilities (!), and so I'll save that for another day. In the meantime, I thought I'd take a look at the character that brought her such "overnight success" after a career spanning almost half a century... Mrs Elizabeth Josephine Birdsworth, take a bow!

So what it is then about the character of Lizzie that makes her so special and so beloved and fondly remembered by so many people? Shearer poisoning, kleptomaniac, alcoholic old lag, what was there not to love about her?! So magically played by the wonderful spirit who inhabited her, you could laugh with her and cry with her, often in the space of one scene.

Great fun whenever she had a cob on about something, was "on the sauce" or was "stacking on a turn" for the umpteenth time as a diversion, it was also incredibly moving whenever the loneliness that came of her institutionalisation and her age was revealed, such as when Edie Wharton and later on Sid Humphrey died, and whenever she talked of the loss of her children.

Especially watchable in the bonds she formed with the younger characters in the show, particularly Doreen, Maxine and Pixie, and in the sometimes comical, sometimes sad scenes she had with Vera, she provided so much of Prisoner's comic relief and pathos for nearly two-thirds of the show's run.

What a tremendous life force both the character and the actress was, and it really shone through in her contribution to the show. In Lizzie's own words, her blood really was worth bottlin'!

On reflection, Lizzie was at the heart of so many of my most favourite moments throughout Prisoner, spanning the full gamut of emotion...joy, pain, love, loss, even edge-of-your-seat drama, thinking especially of her role in two of the best end-of-year cliffhangers in the show, the tunnel collapse during 'The Great Escape' in episode 165 at the end of the 1980 season and the (quite literally!) heart stopping moment when 'that nice Mr Bridges' true colours are grimly uncovered in episode 416 at the end of 1983:

"You're wrong Lizzie, there are two bodies... I set them free, and now you're going to be free too!"

*EEK!*

One of the most moving scenes in the whole show for me is towards the end of episode 49 (so well written as always by my very favourite Prisoner scribe, Denise Morgan), when Lizzie discovers that her friend Edie Wharton has died during the night, Jim opens the cell door and just slumps against the door jamb when he realises what has happened.

This cues an almost unbearably sad little monologue from Lizzie as the episode draws to a close where she tells of her fears of dying alone in prison and of how she thinks Edie died because she was tired of being lonely, then Vera says simply, "You won't be alone in here, Lizzie," as the credits roll, leaving her quietly weeping on the bed. I don't know about you, but I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about it! Seriously though, Prisoner gets so real for me in moments like that, there's such truth in the writing and performance that it's almost uncanny.

Another choker involving Lizzie came in episode 392 when the news came through of Maxine's demise, right in the middle of the Lassa Fever epidemic, when, such is the arbitrariness of fate in Prisoner that it was ironically young Maxine outside of the prison to die, when you were worrying about who the fever was going to claim within the walls of Wentworth.

I think the scene where Bea reads Maxine's letter to Lizzie, telling of all her hopes and dreams for a future that wasn't to be, coming just after they've heard the news of her passing, was another such heartrending moment. Honestly, this show really puts you through the ringer at times, doesn't it?!

Incidentally, I love the way the tonality of this darkens as Bea's face hardens when she looks over and catches Joan callously smirking, as the others are too distraught to notice. I think it's such an electric little snapshot of the emnity between these two characters and underlines for me just how the show excels at these skilfully shifting moods. I think it's one of the many things that makes for such endlessly watchable and compelling drama.

But enough tears and darkness, let's put the hankies away now, because when I think of Lizzie, I think of the first thing I remember about her, and indeed of the show itself, that inimitable laugh! I'm laughing as I type as it's ringing in my head! She endowed us with so many priceless comedy moments during her time in the show, but one of my favourites is the beanbag affair in episode 95, one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life!

There it is, sitting expectantly right in the middle of Kevin's flat, like some kind of mutant life form from another planet, almost like it knows that its destiny is about to pass into Prisoner lore... Seconds later it doesn't disappoint as it nearly devours Lizzie when Kevin plonks her down on it!

"Oh! Get this off of me!" she cries, all akimbo and legs and arms flailing everywhere! I love it when Kevin explains to her that it's just a beanbag and it's meant to do that and she comments, "Funny things aren't they? Beanbags!" They are when you sit on them, Lizzie!

It's even more hilarious when she tries to get up from it but the beanbag's having none of it so she ends up on the floor and starts hitting it with her handbag..."Bloody thing!"

Another classic Lizzie moment leading on from this comes a few episodes later in episode 100, which finds Lizzie chasing Kevin's mother down the street wildly brandishing a saucepan like a woman possessed! I love how the mood of this again so deftly shifts as Lizzie suddenly connects with Kevin's mother and really feels her pain as the realisation hits her that she's lost her son to Doreen.

And so Lizzie goes on to share her own loss in explaining how her own children were taken away from her. You really feel her regret at all those lost and irreplaceable years, as she points out the hollow consolation of the substantial compensation she's to receive from the government for her wrongful imprisonment, as she adds, with bitter sadness, "It's worth nothing when you're on your own..."

Brightening the tone again, Lizzie was on a bit of a roll in terms of priceless comedy moments in this little era of Prisoner actually, because another handful of episodes on from this, in 104, there's another superb scene which is an even greater feast of fun for me in that it features another of my all time favourite characters (oh yes, here she is again!)... Erica Davidson!

Lizzie's on an incredibly entertaining quest to get herself sent back to Wentworth and try as she might, no matter how many blatant petty felonies she commits it's just not happening for her. After her latest fine from court which Erica has paid for her, in desperation Lizzie grabs a bottle to smash a jeweller's window, when out of nowhere, like a bat out of hell, power trots Queen Erica and with one swift greased lightning sweeping action, the gloved hand of our heroine thwarts poor Lizzie's aspirations once again! *Curses!*

This is entrée to yet another of my favourite Lizzie moments in the episode following this, 105 (honestly, even talking about these I'm thinking of going back and having another mini-run at these episodes there's such an embarrassment of riches in them!), where she finally gets her way when she flushes the memoirs of the Magistrate (played by that judge for all seasons, the marvellously monikered and excellently enunciated Arthur Barradell-Smith!) down the loo! I love it when a plan comes together!

"I'm a menace to public safety!" she declares to the bamboozled beak!

I hope you'll forgive me for leaping all over the place, but I don't want to leave these early episodes without mentioning another great storyline from almost the very beginning of the show, away back in episode 22, when Lizzie is allowed out of prison for the day to visit her dying brother Angus. This is great for Vera loving herself sick in the Governor's chair while Erica's away with Lizzie, "Another biscuit, Mr Goodwin?!" but I digress!

And so to our main topic of conversation for now, Lizzie and her touching reunion with her ailing brother... It soon becomes apparent that absence hasn't made the heart grow fonder as their rapprochement degenerates into a blazing row!

Lizzie: What about them army trucks in 1944?!

Angus: I didn't say nothing then and I'm not saying anything now!

Lizzie: I was amusing the Sergeant while you drove off. Now where's my share?!

Angus: Ha ha ha, you got your share from the Sergeant!

So poor Lizzie's hopes of getting her hands on at least some of Angus's estate and to what she thinks she's entitled come to nothing, as Dr Crawe emerges from Angus's room to break the news that Angus has fumed his last, and when she delicately asks him if he had anything to say before he passed away, I love the deadpan way the good doctor replies (excellent work from Ernie Bourne here!), "Well as I recall, Mrs Birdsworth, his exact words were, 'Tell her she doesn't get a cracker...I got no sister!'"

Lizzie's fury at this:

"The old bastard! He can rot! I might have known it! Tight as a fish's bum to the grave...and he got the last word again!"

Superb stuff!

Zooming well ahead from these japes now, there was that funny anecdote mentioned in the Super Aussie Soaps book of what went on behind the scenes when they were filming that scene during the Sandy/Marie/Kate riot in episode 248. It was a freezing cold midwinter night in darkest Nunawading, the location of the studios which any good Prisoner fan can tell you is the home of Wentworth.

I'll let Andrew Mercado take up the tale, seeing as I've pinched it from his book!

"As prison officers lined up with guns aimed at the door, Lizzie was supposed to emerge from a riot-ravaged Wentworth, wave a white flag as a sign of surrender, and complete just one simple line of dialogue. Yet, take after take, Sheila Florance, couldn't nail the line. Finally she emerged, waved her white flag and uttered the immortal clanger, "Nuna-f***ing-wading! Let's give it back to the Aborigines!"

Even towards the end of her time in the show, Lizzie still had the ability to sparkle. One of my all-time favourite storylines surrounds Lizzie's pen friend Foxy turning up in episode 398 and how they try to pull the wool over each other eyes because they're both conning each other! I love how she somehow manages to rope Meg and Colleen in on her antics by getting Meg to pretend to be her secretary and Colleen her daughter!

So many funny lines and moments in the episode stemming from that premise - it's such a peach! From Lizzie's indignant fury at being charged $30 for getting her hair done because 'Madame Beatrice' back at Wentworth would have done it for "a couple of fags...and nothing if she's trying to give 'em up!" to that priceless moment when Foxy is first introduced to Colleen, "You don't have to tell me who you are darling, you're the spitting image of your mother!" and one of my absolute favourite exchanges of the whole series, as Foxy's casting an admiring glance over the china at PASAV do-gooder Irene Henderson's palatial home (which Lizzie is pretending is hers!):

Foxy: (Picking up a piece) I love this porcelain. Victorian is it?

Lizzie: (Deadpan) No I got that one in Adelaide!

This is even more entertaining to watch because you've got the joy of Elspeth Ballantyne caught in the mirror eating her knuckle trying not to laugh! Excellent stuff!

Ah, but seeing as it would have been Sheila's birthday last week, I think I'll have to round off this mad old meander down Lizzie lane by looking at another of my favourite episodes featuring her, the one where they spring a surprise party on her, after making her believe that they've forgotten all about her birthday, back in episode 134.

I've always thought that kind of thing is a bit of a mean thing to do to anyone, and much more fun for the people doing all the plotting than it is for their target, not to mention a slightly worrying thing to inflict upon a 72 year old with a dicky ticker!

So Lizzie's absolutely crestfallen when she thinks that all of her friends have forgotten about her birthday. Meg insists that she go to her cell for a lie down (to give the others chance to start planning her party). Lizzie says to her, sadly:

"Oh never mind, Mrs Jackson. I'm just a silly old coot who thought she had one or two friends left in the world. I should be locked up in me cell and left to fade away..."

I love how Meg nearly weakens and almost gives the game away, but manages to keep up the pretence of indifference!

Lizzie has a fantastic scene with Jim later on from this. He finds her alone in the cell and asks her why she isn't with the others, which cues a heartrending monologue over the sad piano theme, but with a delicious twist at the end:

"They didn't want me. Mrs Jackson told me to go, and they were glad to see me go too. Nobody wants you when you're old. They wouldn't care if you lived or died. You know what I mean, Mr Fletcher. I wasn't talking about your family. I know how much you miss them. I was thinking about us old ones..."

This leads to a flashback recalling when Edie died, and then she continues:

"...I was thinking about Edie and how it was when she went. I reckon you and me were the only two who really cared when she died. Now I'm almost as old as she was then..."

And the brilliant twist is, she turns round and realises that Fletch has gone off in the middle of all this, the "rotten bugger!!!!" That wonderful, and I'd say unique, quality that Prisoner, and the character of Lizzie in particular, has to be able to make you cry and make you laugh, all in the space of one breath! Few, if any, other shows carry it off with such panache!

I also love a little scene she has with Ellen in the interview room, where she's going to town about how her friends have all forsaken her. She vows, melodramatically:

"But I'll tell you this, if it was not for you and Josie I'd end it, I would. No, fair dinkum, I'd cut me wrists and I'd bleed all over their walls! At least then they might remember who I was!"

She has a nice touching little scene with Judy up in Isolation where Judy gives her Sharon's lighter as a present from them both, I guess because that's all she has to give her. Then there's that sad image of her sitting all forlorn with her little party hat on that she's fashioned for herself out of newspaper and a lonely little candle to make a wish on, that Meg promptly blows out when she comes to get her, much to Lizzie's annoyance!

But it's finally all worthwhile when she's taken to the rec room, and you see the look on her face as the lights comes on, the camera zooms in on her and the instrumental theme strikes up. There really isn't a word in the dictionary to describe the joy of that moment, as she spots Ellen and goes running to her, throwing her arms around her and they're all singing to her and hugging her - it's such a blissful piece of television.

I don't watch Prisoner for the darkness, although that's undeniably part of its fascination to me, I watch it more for the light, which you appreciate so much more after all the heavy going uncompromising stuff! And that was a sequence of sheer sunshine!

I love how Lizzie's having a fabulous time knocking back the old plonk and thinking she's getting half sozzled until Vera enlightens her with that legendary quip, "I still don't see how anybody could have got drunk on non-alcoholic wine!"

Given what I've read about their off-screen antics with the cardboard handbags, I wonder if it really was non-alcoholic wine! They're certainly all looking very merry! Well, that could be great acting of course!!!

There's another moment of pure Prisoner paradise as they're all piling the presents onto her and she steals the scene, indeed the whole episode, with that line:

"You thought I really believed you didn't you? And I was just having a lend of you!"

When somebody radiates such an abundance of love and joy it's catching, and you can't help but feel the same way towards them!

I love a comment Sheila Florance made during that interview she gave as part of 'The Great Escape Tour' when Anna Soubry asked her if she ever got fed up playing the same character for so long:

"No because unless you love something you can't do it anyway so you have to love it. I mean sometimes you had to stand there and think, 'Please God make this sound honest," you know, because it has to be honest. So I think I succeeded."

I think she succeeded too, and that's why I love the character and the actress to bits, in the way her spirit shines through the whole of her time on the show and beyond as 'our Lizzie'.

"Haw haw haw!" Guess who I've been to see recently? Well, given that we're talking Prisoner, it must be the owner of one of the most memorable laughs in our dear old show, second only to that of Elizabeth Josephine Birdsworth! Marie Winter...even her name is poetry! Whenever she was around you knew there was going to be trouble right there in Wentworth city with a capital T! Excitingness to meet a Prisoner legend! I can hardly believe it myself!

I was beside myself for weeks at the very idea that one of the stars from my all time favourite show was coming to town and that I was going to have the opportunity to see her and possibly even, if I got really lucky, actually meet her! This did worry me more than a little because I do have form for behaving like a total plum in the presence of notables!

The most memorable/notorious/embarrassing instance of this was when I met Tony Blair when he was Prime Minister (and still in his honeymoon period of his popularity when most people thought the sun shone out of him!). As I've said before, in a past life, many moons ago I was of all things a cop! Think a quite camp and not very effectual hybrid of Joyce Barry and Meg Morris! As I'm always saying, I left because I was far too soft...in the head as well as the heart!

Anyway, in my very first week of training, they sprung a VIP visit at the end of the week which turned out to be Mr Blair himself! They had us all lined up like little soldiers in this gym hall, sweltering in the heat of all the bodies crammed into such a confined space, in our full dress uniforms, minus our whistles which they removed from us for security, much to our amusement! What did they think we were going to do? Blow them in his ear? Throttle him with the whistle chain? Very bizarre!

Digressing from my digression (what am I like?! I'm getting worse!) we were laughing in work the other week about the whistle they mention being attached to your lifejacket when they're doing the safety drill on aircraft. I mean what's that all about?! We decided that it must be in case you fancy having a last minute rave before you meet your maker! Right on!

Anyway, back to my Blair bumblings, they warned us in no uncertain terms of the dire consequences that would befall us if we were to even think about speaking to him unless he spoke to us! So along he wandered our neat little lines of highly polished policeness (you could almost smell our newness!) and of all things, he stopped right in front of me, flashed his election winning, 10,000 megawatt smile at me and said, "My goodness!"

Oo-er, well I was totally conflummoxed! It wasn't a question, it was just an exclamation, so I didn't know what to do! I just went an even deeper shade of red than the one I was already, beamed soppily back at him, and in the style of a female Frank Spencer, replied, "Ah ha ha hum!"

For years I've pondered the mystery as to what on earth was going on there! Why stop at me and come out with such a thing?! Was it an expression of surprise at the fact that I was such a tiny little munchkin compared to my compatriots, I did look about 12 at the time (in the way that they say policemen/women are always looking younger!), I was radiating enough heat under the pressure of the occasion to power a small town, or was it that he'd fallen head over heels in love with me and had it not been for the bank of press and assorted assemblage around us he'd have whisked me off into the sunset in his VIP car! I'll never know! Unless of course Tone's a Prisoner fan himself and comes on here to explain himself!

Anyway, all that didn't bode well for what I was going to be like in the presence of a Prisoner VIP! To prepare myself, the night before I watched the eponymous helicopter escape of episode 471 (not as far fetched as it sounds, as there have been a number of helicopter prison breaks over the years - truth is indeed stranger, or at least just as strange at any rate, than fiction!).

My favourite line of the episode, not related to Marie Winter or the escape, but coming from Dot Farrar about camp cook Ray Proctor, "Well, whatever his sexual persuasions, he certainly knows what to do with a sausage!"

Honestly, what an episode, not only having one of the most memorable escapes of the whole series, but also one of the funniest lines, and that's even without mentioning all the drama of poor little Shane stuck down that storm drain like a drowned rat! "Auntie Joan, Auntie Joan!" *splosh!* Honestly though, how much does Prisoner rock when it's firing on all cylinders like that?!

I also had a look at the little riot she started a few episodes before in episodes 466-467 (after watching 471, because that's the kind of random crazy cat that I am! I just don't care, do I?!) and couldn't believe I'd forgotten just how brilliant that was! "There's nothing much on the telly tonight, so we're going to have ourselves a riot!" The class of our Marie!

It really was quite spectacular though, with all the windows blazing away like Roman Candles and 'Wonder Woman' Ann Reynolds braving the flames to rescue Leigh Templar from her burning cell, reminding me of ET at that bit in the film where Elliott has him under the blanket! All I can say is it was lucky that lacquer she used to keep her bun in place wasn't highly flammable or it could have been more than "Ouch!!!"

All I could think as I was watching the action was that I couldn't believe that I was actually going to see the legendary instigator of all this the very next evening! It really was too thrilling for words, but I'll make some for you anyway just to give some idea of just how thrilling it was on the scale of thrilling things! In fact, it was so thrilling, it actually broke my scale of thrilling things so I'll need to go to the thrilling things scale shop and buy a new set now!

And so the night of the party arrived and I'm absolutely delighted to tell you that it didn't in any way disappoint and was one of the most memorable and enjoyable evenings of my life. There's an old adage that you should never meet your heroes but I feel incredibly fortunate to say that my first experience of meeting a star from my top show was of someone so genuine, warm and approachable. Maggie Millar is a true star in every sense of the word. In spite of the fact that she must have been quite tired by that stage, given that with her hectic schedule she'd been in something like four countries in four days, I was mightily impressed by how she made time for everyone.

Indeed, I was particularly struck by the humility of such a talented actress and indeed artist (because her artwork is superb too), in the chat that I was lucky enough to have with her (completely surreal to have a conversation with someone who's lived inside your television set for years!) and particularly in her touching farewell speech at the end of the night when she thanked everyone for coming and for our interest in the show, on behalf of the rest of the cast as well as herself, which I thought was a really nice touch. I found myself filling up, and I almost am now at the thought of it, soppy old thing that I am!

As if meeting a Prisoner legend wasn't enough, there were more delights on offer in that they had brought along some of the original uniforms from the series, which amazingly you could fondle and even try on! Yes folks, the hands that are rattling away at these words actually fondled Lizzie's pinnie (I'll never wash them again!) and I tried on a random prisoner's uniform (so shapeless and unflattering - but that's enough about me, the uniform wasn't a great cut either! How they all suffered for their art though!), posing for some scary mugshots, oh and I donned Officer Radcliffe's tunic jacket, complete with original keys which I took great delight in swinging! I couldn't just leave them in their pocket like a normal person, could I?!

I'm afraid I was far too shy/worried about breaking the camera to have my photo taken with Maggie herself (I told you I was a plum!), but the pictures I have in my own mind of that magical evening and getting to meet her are more than enough for me! I can't thank Scott and Barry, the folks at Delmonicas in Glasgow where the party was held, and indeed Maggie Millar herself enough for going to so much trouble to make it all happen. I really hope that everyone else who attended that and/or any of the other events that were held across the country and indeed over in Sweden enjoyed them just as much as I did.

I love the notion of occasions like that giving fans like us the opportunity to show our appreciation for the contribution that all the wonderful performers and everyone else connected with the show made towards making Prisoner the greatness that it truly is.

And so if I'm to get flattened by a bus tomorrow in some terrible road crossing calamity, as I'm lying there in a mangled heap about to breathe my last, alongside wishing I'd taken my Nan's advice to always carry a spare pair of knickers with me in case of such an eventuality (!), I can do so contentedly in the knowledge that I've met a legend from my very favourite programme (and she was lovely!), donned some of the costumery and fondled Lizzie's pinnie! Life really doesn't get much better than that! Pure stardust!

Well hello again and all the joys of June to you! I sat down to do this the other Saturday only to discover that my bandwidth had burst! Very painful when that happens! I guess I really ought to see a doctor about that! Where's Dr Greg when you need him?! I knew I needed to go on a diet!

Speaking of which, in a laughingly half hearted effort to turn my body into a temple, I treated myself to one of those fandango fancy dan Wii Fit thingies last month and spent most of the month wondering in a state of extreme puzzlement as to why when it was telling me to put my left foot on the balance board, etc, I was having to reverse it and put my right foot on, etc...until I finally realised it was because I had the balance board round the wrong way!!!! Yes really! Channelling Judy Bryant, I did have to ask myself, "Oh my Gawd, are you out of your moind?!!!!" That was a rhetorical question, by the way!

Incidentally, with all their hissy fit error messages, computers are such drama queens aren't they?! My favourite is "Catastrophic Error!" I always say to mine, "Calm down, dear, it's not the end of the world, I'll just switch you off and then back on again and you'll be absolutely fine!"

Anyhoo, on with the task at hand! I was chatting to one of my friends on the phone last night and saying to him that I had no idea what on earth I was going to talk about this weekend! I mean, there are so many things in my mangled mind to chat about in the way of Prisoner but sometimes it's just trying to pluck one from the wreckage and attempting to think of something (relatively!) coherent to say about it! I was saying to him that so far I've tried to pick some kind of theme or topic on which to hook my ramblings, but nothing was coming into my empty old head for this week.

He said, "Well, you usually start with a topic and then ramble away off the point, so why not start rambling away and it might eventually turn into a topic?!" What a clever John! That reminds me of one of the best putdowns I've ever heard in my life. I work with another guy called John, well actually I work with two guys called John and we've even got a little Jonny too! Every office should have one! Actually, that sounds a bit rude! No, but really we have! Anyway, one of the Johns was speaking to a guy on the phone one day and as usual he began to politely introduce himself, "Hello, you're speaking to John..." and the guy replied, "Just like a million others!" What a thing to say!

Speaking of the fun factory, last week my pal who sits opposite me said to me in a voice of great concern and feeling, "How do you feel about the news of Jason Donovan getting married?"

I replied, "Well, I thought he was married anyway, but I really wish him all the best..."

I went on to melodramatically elaborate how when I read his autobiography I wanted to hate his girlfriend/now Mrs Jason Donovan, but I found myself really liking her and thought she could have been one of my friends herself. One of the other girls rolled her eyes and interjected drolly, "The way you two are going on, anyone would think he was your ex or something!!!"

Well he was my dreamboat when I was growing up, and I still carry a little torch for him in my heart...aw! My bedroom was plastered with posters of Jason and I'd cut out the lyrics to all his songs from teeny magazines like Look-in and Smash Hits and stuck them above my bed! Would you like me to give you a rendition of his greatest hits? Erm...maybe not then!

Scrabbling around desperately to make this bear any relevance to Prisoner whatsoever, of course quite funkily both his parents were in the show, his Mum was the TV interviewer who introduced us to the heinous Helen Masters, and his Dad (the legend that is Terry Donovan!) came into it much later on as Bob Taylor, the guy who takes in Auntie Joan's little Shane! When you come to think of it, the calibre of actors even just passing through the show in relatively minor roles is just outstanding... Norman Kaye, Bill Hunter, Cornelia Frances, Rowena Wallace, Beverley Dunn (I really love her work!), Val Jellay, Bud Tingwell (we are so not worthy!), and so many, many more! We are really spoilt!

Speaking of such riches, another brilliant actor in the show I think is Alan David Lee in the role of Tony Berman, Judy's sidekick at the Halfway House/object of Maxine's unrequited love. Digressing a little, fancy having three names! Well, I've got a middle name too actually but I'm not telling you mine unless you tell me yours! When I was a whippersnapper, I once kissed a boy in a bus shelter just because his middle name was Aloysius! What am I like?! That's a confession you make to good friends over a bottle or three of lovely wine, not in the cold light of day to a world of random strangers! Oh well, anyone who's a friend of Prisoner is a friend of mine!

Anyway, I thought Alan David Lee was brilliant as Tony Berman - so well played and naturally acted he was another one who came across as almost a real guy, and also a bit of a spunk too, which is always a bonus! I've been watching him in The Cowra Breakout recently and thought he was absolutely outstanding in that too. I thought that was an interesting piece, especially given it was based on a true story and in the care they took in terms of balance in showing it from the Japanese perspective as well as the Western side. Very thought-provoking stuff, plus there's a few other familiar faces to look out for in the way of Prisoner escapees/prescapees - Carole Skinner, Norman Kaye, Tracy Mann, Glenda Linscott, Simon Chilvers, so yes, I'd say it was worth a look if you get chance to get hold of a copy.

In other news from the Planet Lily, I've got a lovely old Auntie I've fondly nicknamed Aunt Pingu, because after marathon three hour ear melting telephone conversations with her she sounds like Pingu the penguin in my ear as I'm busy multi-tasking washing the dinner and cooking the clothes, etc! Ha ha! Anyway, I was enthusing to her about my blog the other week. Given the last time she was near a computer was to have a go at my Paperboy game for the Amstrad back in about 1987 (!!!), she wouldn't know what a blog was if someone hit her over the head with one, bless her, but she did warn me not to fall off that there blog of mine! Well, as I promised her, I do try, but it does get a bit wobbly at times, especially without the aid of a safety net!

I was away on holiday with her for a week last year (in a kind of less exotic/eventful version of Travels With My Aunt in that we only got as far as Torquay!) and I tried in vain to get her to love Prisoner! I especially chose one of my favourite episodes of the show, 272, where one of my favourite actresses and characters out of the whole shebang delivers what is in my eyes one of the most spellbindingly superlative performances of this, that or any other television programme or production I've ever seen!

The one where Olivia Hamnett as Dr Kate is at the zenith of her spectacular insanity! Or is she...? Such is the genius of Prisoner and Dr Kate that you can read into it what you will! Really, Olivia Hamnett was born to play Ophelia in Hamlet! I must do a proper entry about her and what I think is her really outstanding contribution to the show at some point. *jots down Erica style meemo to self!*

Anyway, I nearly went spectacularly insane myself because Aunt Pingu was so enthralled by it that she fell asleep about five minutes into the episode! Can you imagine such a travesty?! *sigh!* There are none so blind as those who will not see!

Talking of which, I've just passed Belinda Johns little sojourn in the show, which was noice, different, un-ewe-sual (do you see what I did there with my little Jane Turner link, Kath & Kim fans?!)! I must say, I did chuckle at Cass Parker's reassurance, "Don't worry Belinda, we'll keep an eye out for you!"

Fancy having a blind inmate and calling her BeLINDa though! Only in Prisoner! Right up there with the prostitute they called Penny Seymour! Tell you what, it would cost you more than a penny to see more of her, even back in 1982!!!! Back to Belinda, one of my mates calls her Belinda Sabbatt! Geddit?! You'll have to say that aloud several times before the penny drops! It took another of my dear friends about three attempts!

I'm watching this run of the series in synch with him, and he's watching it through for the very first time so he never knows what's going to happen next, which is all very exciting! He's become so immersed in it that he said he was nearly crying the other night when lovely old Stan Dobson retired (if you can imagine a big tough Scotsman blubbering like a baby at such a thing!), and he's been fretting to me about Colleen Powell's wellbeing seeing as we've just seen her family go out with a bang! He was fretting to me on the phone the other night, "I'm so worried about Colleen, she really needs to see a doctor!" as if she were a real person, bless him!

It was the same with Ann Reynolds when she wouldn't have her lump checked out during the breast cancer storyline, he kept worrying away to me that she needed to get it checked out! Bless his heart, he's got so involved in it that he cares about them like they're real people! I guess that shows you just how good Prisoner is at its very, very best when it can affect you like that.

I mentioned this before in one of my episode reviews (by the way, I honestly haven't abandoned them forever, I promise!), but I think Gerard Maguire captured the appeal of Prisoner in this respect perfectly in an interview he gave to The Wentworth Star fanzine, in saying that at its root was the degree of heart in it.

"You somehow got involved with those characters. You lived their lives, you cared about them and I think that I'd be very happy if anything that I produced achieved the same degree which could move people as much as Prisoner did in all sorts of ways. Caring about the characters, I think that's it, it's the heart of the series that's what it's about."

Well said, Gerard! Or should I say Mr Maguire! Hark at my overfamiliarity just because he played a character in my top show! That reminds me of a funny story Kenneth Williams told about a random painter who winked an aside in passing with his little paintbrush and paint pot to the playwright W. Somerset Maugham, immersed in a suspenseful moment in one of his plays being rehearsed at the time, "Another winner there, Somerset!"

Anyway, back to my abortive attempt to indoctrinate Aunt Pingu into the way of Prisoner, I thought I might have managed to hook her in because she likes that other prison series Bad Girls, but alas, it was to no avail! Although in saying that, I've never got into that myself funnily enough, so there's no accounting for taste! Well, there's certainly no accounting for mine, at any rate!

I have dipped into Prisoner prototype Within These Walls however and was blown away by the fact that the Governor in that, Faye Boswell, *is* Erica Davidson! I splashed out on a box set of the first series some time ago last year and giggled my way through the first episode at the parallels between those two! That cut glass Alexandra Palace enunciation, all those "very wells", "you leave me no alternative...", "the most important function within a prison is rehabilitation..." in fact, just about everything she said could have come out of the mouth of Erica! It was nectar!

I can so completely see why they were originally hoping to cast Googie Withers as Erica, although I can't tell you how glad I am we ended up with Patsy King, because I can't imagine anyone else as our Erica! I'm so sorry, I really can't help myself but mention this... Googie Withers - that sounds like some kind of terrible man affliction! Gentlemen out there in the ether, mind you don't be getting that! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And on that note, see you all next time then! XD

Spring is in the air, the leaves are bursting onto the trees, the little lambs are gambolling about the fields (mint sauce!), there's a riot of colour and new life all around, and a young woman's fancy turns to thoughts of love...or rather a young woman's love turns to thoughts of fancy!

And who tickles my fancy amongst the Prisoner pantheon? Well, contrary to a great and grossly unfair misconception by the uninitiated that everyone in Prisoner fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down (it's like the wobbly wall myth, only *some* of the walls wobbled *occasionally* but that's as far as I'm going with that comparison...ahem!) there was actually an embarrassment of riches in terms of eye candy of both the male and female variety, depending on what floats your boat!

Dear me, all that effort they put into producing a serious gritty drama and all some shallow souls can do is admire the window dressing! *sigh!* Sorry Grundys and everyone involved!

There are quite a few chaps who catch my eye during the course of the series (worth a special mention at this stage would be dishy Dr Greg Miller - definitely the right prescription!), but there's one man who stands head and shoulders above them all for me, just as Prisoner stands head and shoulders above all other TV shows in my heart (aah!)...one man who had more mojo than Austin Powers...one man who was blessed in every way it was possible to be blessed...

What a way he had with the ladies (and rightly so!) as he smoothed his way through his time in the show as love interest to that succession of sophisticates that seemed to people that embryonic year of Prisoner! Well, there were only three that he actually made a play for - Jean Vernon, Karen Travers and that lawyer woman old flame (the Jezebel!) that he eventually went off into the sunset with, breaking my heart as he did so! I've told myself a million times not to exaggerate!

In saying that, he did have more substance to him as a character than simply eye (and ear!) candy for Lily to drool over some 30 years later, in that paradox he wrestled within himself over his self-denial that he had any kind of social conscience, set against his hunger for success, born out of his impoverished start in life. As so many of the characters were in those early days of Prisoner, and indeed throughout the series for that matter, he was so well-drawn and realised.

Have you guessed who it is yet? It's like that "Who am I?" riddle from that cheesy old gameshow Going For Gold! Where's Henry Kelly when you need him?! "Sorry Olaf from Norway, you're not going through to the next round because you didn't know who was UK Christmas number one in the charts in 1982, you fool!" Hurrah for a united Europe! Anyway, I digress...just for a change! The object of my affection for this blog is the walking talking wonder that is *be still my beating heart!* Steve Wilson!

It must be something about the name Steve actually because I wouldn't kick Messrs Fawkner or Ryan from later on in the show out of bed either! Incidentally, and veering my train of thought off track again, we were once having a crazy conversation in work one day where I opined that I wouldn't kick Action Man out of bed, and one of the guys remarked, "Well, you couldn't kick him out of bed, because he'd break both your legs, what with his Commando skills!"

Anyway, back to my Prisoner Action Man, Steve Wilson... What is it about him? What is it not about him?! The smile, the hair, the voice...AND he can act, which is always a plus, although not essential in these matters!

Speaking of the voice, I did a survey in the office, running around with my little portable DVD player urging, "Regardez...et ecoutez! No, really!" and 9 out of 10 women overcame their initial raised eyebrows and melted on the spot at the sound of those mellifluous tones! It really is like hot chocolate for the ears! Actually, there is apparently scientific grounding as to why women are generally attracted to men with deep voices if this article is to be believed! Well, if the Daily Mail says it, then it must be true of course!

And so, appreciating my admiration of the wonderful Mr Wilson, one my friends at work asked me the $64,000 question, who would I choose between Johnny Depp and Steve Wilson? Well, it was a no brainer!

As I said, if Johnny Depp from today and Jim Smilie from 1979 were to walk in right now and pledge their undying affection for me, I'd say, "Johnny Depp, Hollywood megastar you may be, but talk to the hand, because the face don't wanna listen! Yer bum's oot the windae, as we say in my parts (English translation: Sorry old bean, I'm afraid you have no chance!), so stop pestering me, and anyway, I haven't been able to look at a meat pie since going to see Sweeney Todd, thanks to you! I'm off for a Cinzano and a sausage on a stick (matron!) with smiley smiley Mr Smilie to spin some Demis Roussos on the music centre! (Not the real Demis Roussos of course, he'd break it! The vinyl version!)" How very Abigail's Party of me!

And on that note...I think I'll leave you in peace for another bitty! One of these days I might actually be able to think of something sensible to say in this blog! Well, you can live in hope, if you die in despair!

People speak of Queen Bea, people speak of those majestic portraits of HM Queen Elizabeth adorning the walls of the Governor's Office and Reception, but there's only one Queen of Wentworth to me, Erica Davidson! The Divine Davo is a deity in my eyes and I worship at the temple of her fabulousness!

In fact, I would go so far as to say she is who the word fabulous was invented for, just as the Duchess of Kent is who the word lovely was invented for, as half of you who have any idea who on earth I'm randomly rambling about now go, "Aaah!" as a mental image of just how lovely the Duchess of Kent really is flashes across your mind! Some people just radiate goodness though, whether they're a pauper or a Prince, and some people just radiate fabulousness, and that's our Erica!

Yay for me! I've just broken my record for how quickly I could weave a completely random digression into my ramblings! It's like scoring a goal in the first minute of the FA Cup Final! Okay, I've just done a lap of honour around my living room and am now back to "carry on" as our gracious Queen Erica would say! I love it on the occasions she says that in the show! I was going to say that nobody says it like her, but then nobody says anything like her!

Let's checklist all those wunderbar verbal tics that are like a comfort blanket in my watchings..."very well" (the Daddy of 'em all!), "that is all", "you may go", "may I remind you" (Wahey! My username in the Recroom, making me a contender for secondmost campest person on the planet, I like to think at least! Speaking of which, I wonder how many of my good friends on there were wondering how long it would take me to mention her? Well, here she is!)...isn't she a blast though?! Sometimes, when we're really lucky, we get multiple phrases stacked up one top of the other to fashion a sentence, like a Knickerbocker Glory of syntax!

All those little sighs she heaves after she has a run in with anyone (she has a sigh for every occasion!), those witheringly intoned putdowns, from "I'm sure we'll exist without you!" to Anne Yates in episode 5 to "Your insubordination is not yet a closed subject, Miss Ferguson, so please do not correct me!" in episode 338 and many, many more, that I could be all day regaling you with!

And that's without even mentioning the fire retardant and incredibly indispensible to the administration of a penal institution Encyclopaedia Britannica, the coiffure, the walk, particularly the POWER walk, in fact, every fibre of her very essence! I could go on, as indeed I will...at some considerable length, so brace yourselves!

As camp as a row of pink tents on Christmas morning, masterful when riled, but also quite affecting, sometimes all at the same time (!!!) and therefore, the very personification in glorious human form of everything I love about Prisoner and why it stands head and shoulders above every other programme that's ever been produced since John Logie Baird sat there one evening and said, "Sod this, there's nothing on the wireless, I think I'll invent a telly instead!" Much respect, JLB! Woot! Hark at me with my netspeak just because I've got a blog! Loving the fusion of that with some bloke from the 1920s though! Doctor Who eat yer heart out!

Also worth a Mexican Wave at this point is the easily underrated contribution of Patsy King in the role. As much as I adore our Erica, even I can concede that she did have something of a limited premise as a character, especially considering most of the material she was given to work with, apart from the all-too-seldom occasions she was allowed to shine on centre stage of course with her very own storylines, but somehow Patsy managed to breathe so much vibrancy into the character.

She could make the most mundane of statements that Erica was given to say sparkle. At one stage in episode 182, in the middle of the women taking sides ready for their stand-off in the dining room thanks to Georgie Baxter's antics (in the mini-me echo of episode 3), all she has to say at one stage is , "Perhaps voluntary segregation would be most prudent..." But it's the way she says it! I can't imagine anyone else being able to deliver a line like that!

Even aside from the high camp hilarity of the character (which I absolutely adore!), I think there was so much more going on with her, and a much greater subtlety to Patsy's performance than she's often given credit for, from those electrifying confrontations with the likes of Vera and Joan, to those times when she was given to show her nurturing side towards the inmates, particularly in the case of Doreen, and you caught a glimpse of how maybe sometimes Erica threw herself into her work to fill a void in her life. Incredibly entertaining at her most majestic, there was, conversely, a vulnerability to the character at times that I found incredibly touching too.

Speaking of Patsy King, some person of great taste, discernment, not to mention fabulousness has created a WHOLE BLOG in her honour! That's right, folks! You heard it, not just a blog entry (and you thought I had it bad!) a WHOLE BLOG in her honour, tremendously entitled Patsy King Is A Goddess! I couldn't agree more!

A fellow Erica fan (and there are many of us out there in the world of Prisoner fandom, it's like a country within a country, a bit like the Vatican City in Rome, only proportionately far larger, of course!) recently contacted me to flag up a fabulous Erica moment from the opening to episode 309. Meg's just been brought in as a prisoner and there she is standing before her in prison denims (a mind bramble in itself!). 

Entirely true to form, good old Meg is insisting she doesn't want to be segregated from the women for her own protection because she doesn't want them thinking she's getting special treatment because she's an officer, for fear of losing their respect (I told you she's as mad as a bag of spanners at times, is our Meg!). And so it continues...

Erica: (channelling John McEnroe!) You can't be serious! Surely you realise you'll be in danger?

Meg: (saintly!) Yes I do! But this is our chance to show the women that nobody gets special treatment...

Joan: (Joanly!) I think Mrs Morris is right. Technically she is a prisoner and should be treated as such, but, well we have to show the women that we can take it as well as dish it out...

Erica: (posh shorthand for you're talking a load of baloney, Joanie!) Mmmmm....

Ah, but it's the look she gives her off the back of this! And here it is, captured for our entertainment and enjoyment by a very dear friend of mine! Lucky Lily to have such lovely and clever friends to be able to do such a thing! *drumroll!*

Ta-dah!

Do you know? When I grow up I want to be Erica! Well, I always did say I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but it fell out!

There's soooooo much more to talk about (and not just about Erica...I promise!), but I'll save it for another day, as I'm sure I've bamboozled you for long enough with my burblings, so that will be all for now! You may go!

Let me count the ways! Well, for anyone who’s had the misfortune to stumble across my review thread in the Recroom, there are 692 of them! Well, okay, 11 so far, but hey, I’m getting there! Honestly, I feel like one of those medieval monks who spent their lives copying out the Bible! It would be okay if I didn’t have 692 distractions on a daily basis in the real world diverting me from this but not to worry, it all makes for an exciting life!

 

Anyway, I digress! And that’s before I get underway! D’oh! I really shouldn’t be allowed! We were chuckling one day in the fun factory that I laughingly call my work about the fact that Prisoner’s nearly as old as me!

 

And so it came to pass that that Gods of Grundy gathered and pondered over my explosion into the world, “And what is this child born unto us? Let us create a television show for her to devote her life to obsessing over!”

 

I can’t believe that Prisoner’s been a part of my life for just about half my life now! That’s seriously scary biscuits! I can’t imagine my world without it now though! All say aaah! I think it’s so sweet that everyone has their own Prisoner love story of how they first fell for it.

 

Would you like to hear mine? Probably not (!!!), but here it is anyway, as the theme from Love Story plays out! Okay, you’ll have to pretend that part because I’m not clever enough to know how to attach a sound clip and I’ve probably just burst through the cheesiness ceiling for this blog anyway!

 

I suppose I was vaguely aware of Prisoner for some time before I got into it, in the way that you’re aware of Alaska but don’t think very much about it (unless of course you live/love there or know anyone who lives/loves there!).

 

One of my mates was mad about it (Prisoner that is, not Alaska!) and forced me to watch it one time I was having a sleepover at her house (oh it was great being a teenybopper!). All I can remember is thinking I’d never seen anything like it in my life (a feeling which hasn’t faded over the years!) …and Lizzie’s laugh! That just sums up my joy of Prisoner, that my first memory of it is somebody’s laugh!

 

I’d love to be able to tell you it was love at first sight but as with many of the enduring loves in life it was ever so much more a gradual thing. I drifted and dipped in and out of it for a year or two. I was left to my own devices at home because my parents didn’t get in till late so I found myself flicking over to it after our current affairs show Newsnight finished (I was such a dag – no change there then!) and before I knew where I was, I found myself absolutely hooked and helplessly and hopelessly devoted to it, which I still am to this very day!

 

I’ve never in my life felt about any other television programme the way I do about my Prisoner, which is probably just as well, because there just simply wouldn’t be space in my heart or my mind (such as it is!) for anything else anyway! I’d go bang! I’m sure I will one of these days anyway!

 

And why is this? What is it about this quirky old show that has sparked such adoration and devotion in the hearts of so many and varied people over the years and across the miles? Well that’s a huge question that I couldn’t possibly answer other than for my silly old self!

 

For me, I love the way that you can watch it on so many levels, you can laugh with or at its camp silliness at times (indeed I love how it’s clever enough not to take itself too seriously at times too!), but likewise you can be transported right out of yourself and into another realm when it hits the high notes of emotional truth, often in the space of a few scenes in an episode!

 

Oh and I just adore the humour/pathos juxtaposition that time and time again throughout the series it does so well. For my money, the great Sheila Florance in the character of Lizzie was the absolute meister of this! Speaking of which, that brings me to another of the sheer joys of Prisoner for me.

 

I’ve said this before but I think it’s worth rehashing for my shiny new blog, I know with a cast of that size and for a series of that length it inevitably wasn’t all good (but then that’s also part of its huge charm!), but I think we really were blessed in the show with some fine work from some incredibly talented, experienced professionals who knew their craft and grasped a rare opportunity to show it with both hands, treating us to some unforgettable television along the way. What can I say? It’s a symphony of a viewing experience!

 

And who is a Prisoner fan? As Glenda Linscott said in one of her commentaries for the DVDs a Prisoner fan is everyone and anyone. Anyone who’s ever felt imprisoned by their circumstances, anyone who’s ever loved, lost, laughed or cried, felt joy, pain or anything for that matter. It explores such universal themes that anyone can identify with if they tune into it’s pulse, and it’s so worth the rollercoaster of a ride it takes you on. I’m so bursting with joy and appreciation for the fact that it’s in my life!

 

What am I like with all my hows and whys and whos?! It’s like that Rudyard Kipling poem, “I keep six honest serving men, (They taught me all I knew), Their names are What and Why and When, And How and Where and Who!” If I did what and when and where I’d be here all night!

 

Anyway, now that I’ve introduced you to my world of Wentworth, what lies ahead for my musings? I’ll chat about anything that comes up in my watchings. I’m very religious in my observance of Prisoner and watch six episodes a week as I rattle my way through the series, Monday to Friday, with two on a Friday to celebrate the fact it’s the weekend! Yes people, Lily may be my first name but Decadence is my middle one!

 

Oh and of course there’s my snail like episode review project, so if anything pops up into my head from that I’ll give that a shout too.

 

And as an offshoot to my devotion to Prisoner, I’ll watch anything and everything else to come out of Australia… films, miniseries, serials, you name it! I especially love the breadth and depth of product that came from those shores during the “golden era” of the 1970s and 80s.

 

At the moment the viewing schedule on LTV (Lily TV!) is a box of delights which includes Sons & Daughters (altogether now… “love and laughter, tears and sadness and happiness!”), those spunky Young Doctors, Neighbours (because everybody needs good ones!), Home & Away ("You know we belong together!"), the camp fabulousness of Return To Eden (let’s hear it for 1980s excess!), an occasional dip into the goings on in Wandin Valley in A Country Practice (although, unsurprisingly, I’m struggling squashing that in on top of everything else!), oh and an excellent period piece from the 1970s called Against The Wind which I can’t wait to tell you some more about.

 

One of the things I enjoy most about these of course is playing the Prisoner spotting game, because with the industry being relatively small out there, so much Australian film and television is populated with the escapees or pre-scapees from the dear old show and I just love to see what the actors are capable of in other things. Especially in some of the less current, more obscure in this day and age things I’ve come across, there have been more than a few pleasant surprises along the way that hopefully I’ll have chance to mention in due course.

 

And so if anything Prisoner related lights my fire or floats my boat about these I’ll let you know too. That and anything else in the way of Wentworth that eventuates through chatting with my cobbers or that I happen to blunder across myself as I bumble away through life in my usual jumbly fashion!   

 

What a joy it is! To turn a phrase of one of my dearest friends, I’m chuffed to little mint balls to have this opportunity! Oh well, until the next time, as Jerry Springer used to say, take care of yourselves…and each other!

Well hello everyone! Welcome to my world of Wentworth! I can’t believe I’ve got my own blog on the Official Prisoner website! Excitingness! Oh my days, I think I’ve reached some kind of nirvana in the world of Prisoner fandom! Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming! And evidently an incredibly bizarre dream at that! I’ll have to stop eating so much cheese!  

 

All I can say is, Barry and Scott must be brave, brave men to offer free rein to a mad Scotswoman such as myself to spout forth about all things Prisoner on their lovely website! I commend their courage and salute their sanguinity! Now there’s a word to have you all reaching for your dictionaries! I know it did me and I wrote it! I just absolutely adore alliteration! Do you see what I did there?! Ho ho! Philip Larkin eat your heart out!

 

Which brings my rambling train of thought to its next station (on its way to The Whitsun Weddings! Say what you like about me, I know how to segue!)… how *do* you write a blog about a programme on which the cameras stopped rolling not far shy of a quarter of a century ago (my how time marches on, doesn’t it?! Scary biscuits!) and, to the chagrin of many a fan of the old show, isn’t even screened on television anywhere in the world?! Isn’t it insane?! I love it! Not the fact that it's not screened on television anywhere in the world, I hasten to add...the whole 21st Centuryness fusion of the now and the then of a blog about it!

 

Oh well, anything that keeps the memory and the love of Prisoner alive can’t be bad in my book and it’s my total joy and honour to be able to play even just a tiny part in that! It’s a wonderful life, if you don’t weaken!

 

And so, to give you all some idea of what I’m going to be all about on this here Prisoner blogging malarkey (I don’t know about you, but that sounds a bit rude to me! Matron!), that’s if you can possibly stand it, in which case you must be as cracked as I am, (you poor souls!), is to shout my adoration of everything in the Prisoner universe from the rooftops of this sceptred site, write it in giant letters (well, letters this size, depending on what screen resolution you’ve set your monitor to!) across the ether, as and when it comes into my mangled mind!

 

At this point in proceedings, I’d like to apologise in advance for any randomness which ensues in the coming weeks, months, years (all being well!), my almost unbearable cheesiness and overexcitability at times, awful innuendoes and crashingly corny asides, not to mention rampant abuse of the exclamation mark!!!! It’s a wonder to me that I haven’t worn that key out on my keyboard already!

 

So people all over the world, join hands and let’s start a love train to the finest show ever to grace that magic window in our living rooms… the characters, the sets, the storylines, all those fabulously talented individuals who put ever so much effort into creating the wonder of it all, every last man (and woman!) Jack (and Jill!) of them, from Mr Reg Watson himself to the floor sweeper, all 692 episodes of awesomeness that it is, which is why so many of us are sentenced to a lifetime’s stay within the wobbly walls of Wentworth! Thanks for the memories, Prisoner!

 

That will be all for now, dear voyager across the webwaves who has happened perchance upon these ramblings! You may go!