Spring is in the air, the leaves are bursting onto the trees, the little lambs are gambolling about the fields (mint sauce!), there's a riot of colour and new life all around, and a young woman's fancy turns to thoughts of love...or rather a young woman's love turns to thoughts of fancy!

And who tickles my fancy amongst the Prisoner pantheon? Well, contrary to a great and grossly unfair misconception by the uninitiated that everyone in Prisoner fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down (it's like the wobbly wall myth, only *some* of the walls wobbled *occasionally* but that's as far as I'm going with that comparison...ahem!) there was actually an embarrassment of riches in terms of eye candy of both the male and female variety, depending on what floats your boat!

Dear me, all that effort they put into producing a serious gritty drama and all some shallow souls can do is admire the window dressing! *sigh!* Sorry Grundys and everyone involved!

There are quite a few chaps who catch my eye during the course of the series (worth a special mention at this stage would be dishy Dr Greg Miller - definitely the right prescription!), but there's one man who stands head and shoulders above them all for me, just as Prisoner stands head and shoulders above all other TV shows in my heart (aah!)...one man who had more mojo than Austin Powers...one man who was blessed in every way it was possible to be blessed...

What a way he had with the ladies (and rightly so!) as he smoothed his way through his time in the show as love interest to that succession of sophisticates that seemed to people that embryonic year of Prisoner! Well, there were only three that he actually made a play for - Jean Vernon, Karen Travers and that lawyer woman old flame (the Jezebel!) that he eventually went off into the sunset with, breaking my heart as he did so! I've told myself a million times not to exaggerate!

In saying that, he did have more substance to him as a character than simply eye (and ear!) candy for Lily to drool over some 30 years later, in that paradox he wrestled within himself over his self-denial that he had any kind of social conscience, set against his hunger for success, born out of his impoverished start in life. As so many of the characters were in those early days of Prisoner, and indeed throughout the series for that matter, he was so well-drawn and realised.

Have you guessed who it is yet? It's like that "Who am I?" riddle from that cheesy old gameshow Going For Gold! Where's Henry Kelly when you need him?! "Sorry Olaf from Norway, you're not going through to the next round because you didn't know who was UK Christmas number one in the charts in 1982, you fool!" Hurrah for a united Europe! Anyway, I digress...just for a change! The object of my affection for this blog is the walking talking wonder that is *be still my beating heart!* Steve Wilson!

It must be something about the name Steve actually because I wouldn't kick Messrs Fawkner or Ryan from later on in the show out of bed either! Incidentally, and veering my train of thought off track again, we were once having a crazy conversation in work one day where I opined that I wouldn't kick Action Man out of bed, and one of the guys remarked, "Well, you couldn't kick him out of bed, because he'd break both your legs, what with his Commando skills!"

Anyway, back to my Prisoner Action Man, Steve Wilson... What is it about him? What is it not about him?! The smile, the hair, the voice...AND he can act, which is always a plus, although not essential in these matters!

Speaking of the voice, I did a survey in the office, running around with my little portable DVD player urging, "Regardez...et ecoutez! No, really!" and 9 out of 10 women overcame their initial raised eyebrows and melted on the spot at the sound of those mellifluous tones! It really is like hot chocolate for the ears! Actually, there is apparently scientific grounding as to why women are generally attracted to men with deep voices if this article is to be believed! Well, if the Daily Mail says it, then it must be true of course!

And so, appreciating my admiration of the wonderful Mr Wilson, one my friends at work asked me the $64,000 question, who would I choose between Johnny Depp and Steve Wilson? Well, it was a no brainer!

As I said, if Johnny Depp from today and Jim Smilie from 1979 were to walk in right now and pledge their undying affection for me, I'd say, "Johnny Depp, Hollywood megastar you may be, but talk to the hand, because the face don't wanna listen! Yer bum's oot the windae, as we say in my parts (English translation: Sorry old bean, I'm afraid you have no chance!), so stop pestering me, and anyway, I haven't been able to look at a meat pie since going to see Sweeney Todd, thanks to you! I'm off for a Cinzano and a sausage on a stick (matron!) with smiley smiley Mr Smilie to spin some Demis Roussos on the music centre! (Not the real Demis Roussos of course, he'd break it! The vinyl version!)" How very Abigail's Party of me!

And on that note...I think I'll leave you in peace for another bitty! One of these days I might actually be able to think of something sensible to say in this blog! Well, you can live in hope, if you die in despair!

People speak of Queen Bea, people speak of those majestic portraits of HM Queen Elizabeth adorning the walls of the Governor's Office and Reception, but there's only one Queen of Wentworth to me, Erica Davidson! The Divine Davo is a deity in my eyes and I worship at the temple of her fabulousness!

In fact, I would go so far as to say she is who the word fabulous was invented for, just as the Duchess of Kent is who the word lovely was invented for, as half of you who have any idea who on earth I'm randomly rambling about now go, "Aaah!" as a mental image of just how lovely the Duchess of Kent really is flashes across your mind! Some people just radiate goodness though, whether they're a pauper or a Prince, and some people just radiate fabulousness, and that's our Erica!

Yay for me! I've just broken my record for how quickly I could weave a completely random digression into my ramblings! It's like scoring a goal in the first minute of the FA Cup Final! Okay, I've just done a lap of honour around my living room and am now back to "carry on" as our gracious Queen Erica would say! I love it on the occasions she says that in the show! I was going to say that nobody says it like her, but then nobody says anything like her!

Let's checklist all those wunderbar verbal tics that are like a comfort blanket in my watchings..."very well" (the Daddy of 'em all!), "that is all", "you may go", "may I remind you" (Wahey! My username in the Recroom, making me a contender for secondmost campest person on the planet, I like to think at least! Speaking of which, I wonder how many of my good friends on there were wondering how long it would take me to mention her? Well, here she is!)...isn't she a blast though?! Sometimes, when we're really lucky, we get multiple phrases stacked up one top of the other to fashion a sentence, like a Knickerbocker Glory of syntax!

All those little sighs she heaves after she has a run in with anyone (she has a sigh for every occasion!), those witheringly intoned putdowns, from "I'm sure we'll exist without you!" to Anne Yates in episode 5 to "Your insubordination is not yet a closed subject, Miss Ferguson, so please do not correct me!" in episode 338 and many, many more, that I could be all day regaling you with!

And that's without even mentioning the fire retardant and incredibly indispensible to the administration of a penal institution Encyclopaedia Britannica, the coiffure, the walk, particularly the POWER walk, in fact, every fibre of her very essence! I could go on, as indeed I will...at some considerable length, so brace yourselves!

As camp as a row of pink tents on Christmas morning, masterful when riled, but also quite affecting, sometimes all at the same time (!!!) and therefore, the very personification in glorious human form of everything I love about Prisoner and why it stands head and shoulders above every other programme that's ever been produced since John Logie Baird sat there one evening and said, "Sod this, there's nothing on the wireless, I think I'll invent a telly instead!" Much respect, JLB! Woot! Hark at me with my netspeak just because I've got a blog! Loving the fusion of that with some bloke from the 1920s though! Doctor Who eat yer heart out!

Also worth a Mexican Wave at this point is the easily underrated contribution of Patsy King in the role. As much as I adore our Erica, even I can concede that she did have something of a limited premise as a character, especially considering most of the material she was given to work with, apart from the all-too-seldom occasions she was allowed to shine on centre stage of course with her very own storylines, but somehow Patsy managed to breathe so much vibrancy into the character.

She could make the most mundane of statements that Erica was given to say sparkle. At one stage in episode 182, in the middle of the women taking sides ready for their stand-off in the dining room thanks to Georgie Baxter's antics (in the mini-me echo of episode 3), all she has to say at one stage is , "Perhaps voluntary segregation would be most prudent..." But it's the way she says it! I can't imagine anyone else being able to deliver a line like that!

Even aside from the high camp hilarity of the character (which I absolutely adore!), I think there was so much more going on with her, and a much greater subtlety to Patsy's performance than she's often given credit for, from those electrifying confrontations with the likes of Vera and Joan, to those times when she was given to show her nurturing side towards the inmates, particularly in the case of Doreen, and you caught a glimpse of how maybe sometimes Erica threw herself into her work to fill a void in her life. Incredibly entertaining at her most majestic, there was, conversely, a vulnerability to the character at times that I found incredibly touching too.

Speaking of Patsy King, some person of great taste, discernment, not to mention fabulousness has created a WHOLE BLOG in her honour! That's right, folks! You heard it, not just a blog entry (and you thought I had it bad!) a WHOLE BLOG in her honour, tremendously entitled Patsy King Is A Goddess! I couldn't agree more!

A fellow Erica fan (and there are many of us out there in the world of Prisoner fandom, it's like a country within a country, a bit like the Vatican City in Rome, only proportionately far larger, of course!) recently contacted me to flag up a fabulous Erica moment from the opening to episode 309. Meg's just been brought in as a prisoner and there she is standing before her in prison denims (a mind bramble in itself!). 

Entirely true to form, good old Meg is insisting she doesn't want to be segregated from the women for her own protection because she doesn't want them thinking she's getting special treatment because she's an officer, for fear of losing their respect (I told you she's as mad as a bag of spanners at times, is our Meg!). And so it continues...

Erica: (channelling John McEnroe!) You can't be serious! Surely you realise you'll be in danger?

Meg: (saintly!) Yes I do! But this is our chance to show the women that nobody gets special treatment...

Joan: (Joanly!) I think Mrs Morris is right. Technically she is a prisoner and should be treated as such, but, well we have to show the women that we can take it as well as dish it out...

Erica: (posh shorthand for you're talking a load of baloney, Joanie!) Mmmmm....

Ah, but it's the look she gives her off the back of this! And here it is, captured for our entertainment and enjoyment by a very dear friend of mine! Lucky Lily to have such lovely and clever friends to be able to do such a thing! *drumroll!*

Ta-dah!

Do you know? When I grow up I want to be Erica! Well, I always did say I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but it fell out!

There's soooooo much more to talk about (and not just about Erica...I promise!), but I'll save it for another day, as I'm sure I've bamboozled you for long enough with my burblings, so that will be all for now! You may go!

Let me count the ways! Well, for anyone who’s had the misfortune to stumble across my review thread in the Recroom, there are 692 of them! Well, okay, 11 so far, but hey, I’m getting there! Honestly, I feel like one of those medieval monks who spent their lives copying out the Bible! It would be okay if I didn’t have 692 distractions on a daily basis in the real world diverting me from this but not to worry, it all makes for an exciting life!

Anyway, I digress! And that’s before I get underway! D’oh! I really shouldn’t be allowed! We were chuckling one day in the fun factory that I laughingly call my work about the fact that Prisoner’s nearly as old as me!

And so it came to pass that that Gods of Grundy gathered and pondered over my explosion into the world, “And what is this child born unto us? Let us create a television show for her to devote her life to obsessing over!”

I can’t believe that Prisoner’s been a part of my life for just about half my life now! That’s seriously scary biscuits! I can’t imagine my world without it now though! All say aaah! I think it’s so sweet that everyone has their own Prisoner love story of how they first fell for it.

Would you like to hear mine? Probably not (!!!), but here it is anyway, as the theme from Love Story plays out! Okay, you’ll have to pretend that part because I’m not clever enough to know how to attach a sound clip and I’ve probably just burst through the cheesiness ceiling for this blog anyway!

I suppose I was vaguely aware of Prisoner for some time before I got into it, in the way that you’re aware of Alaska but don’t think very much about it (unless of course you live/love there or know anyone who lives/loves there!).

One of my mates was mad about it (Prisoner that is, not Alaska!) and forced me to watch it one time I was having a sleepover at her house (oh it was great being a teenybopper!). All I can remember is thinking I’d never seen anything like it in my life (a feeling which hasn’t faded over the years!) …and Lizzie’s laugh! That just sums up my joy of Prisoner, that my first memory of it is somebody’s laugh!

I’d love to be able to tell you it was love at first sight but as with many of the enduring loves in life it was ever so much more a gradual thing. I drifted and dipped in and out of it for a year or two. I was left to my own devices at home because my parents didn’t get in till late so I found myself flicking over to it after our current affairs show Newsnight finished (I was such a dag – no change there then!) and before I knew where I was, I found myself absolutely hooked and helplessly and hopelessly devoted to it, which I still am to this very day!

I’ve never in my life felt about any other television programme the way I do about my Prisoner, which is probably just as well, because there just simply wouldn’t be space in my heart or my mind (such as it is!) for anything else anyway! I’d go bang! I’m sure I will one of these days anyway!

And why is this? What is it about this quirky old show that has sparked such adoration and devotion in the hearts of so many and varied people over the years and across the miles? Well that’s a huge question that I couldn’t possibly answer other than for my silly old self!

For me, I love the way that you can watch it on so many levels, you can laugh with or at its camp silliness at times (indeed I love how it’s clever enough not to take itself too seriously at times too!), but likewise you can be transported right out of yourself and into another realm when it hits the high notes of emotional truth, often in the space of a few scenes in an episode!

Oh and I just adore the humour/pathos juxtaposition that time and time again throughout the series it does so well. For my money, the great Sheila Florance in the character of Lizzie was the absolute meister of this! Speaking of which, that brings me to another of the sheer joys of Prisoner for me.

I’ve said this before but I think it’s worth rehashing for my shiny new blog, I know with a cast of that size and for a series of that length it inevitably wasn’t all good (but then that’s also part of its huge charm!), but I think we really were blessed in the show with some fine work from some incredibly talented, experienced professionals who knew their craft and grasped a rare opportunity to show it with both hands, treating us to some unforgettable television along the way. What can I say? It’s a symphony of a viewing experience!

And who is a Prisoner fan? As Glenda Linscott said in one of her commentaries for the DVDs a Prisoner fan is everyone and anyone. Anyone who’s ever felt imprisoned by their circumstances, anyone who’s ever loved, lost, laughed or cried, felt joy, pain or anything for that matter. It explores such universal themes that anyone can identify with if they tune into it’s pulse, and it’s so worth the rollercoaster of a ride it takes you on. I’m so bursting with joy and appreciation for the fact that it’s in my life!

What am I like with all my hows and whys and whos?! It’s like that Rudyard Kipling poem, “I keep six honest serving men, (They taught me all I knew), Their names are What and Why and When, And How and Where and Who!” If I did what and when and where I’d be here all night!

Anyway, now that I’ve introduced you to my world of Wentworth, what lies ahead for my musings? I’ll chat about anything that comes up in my watchings. I’m very religious in my observance of Prisoner and watch six episodes a week as I rattle my way through the series, Monday to Friday, with two on a Friday to celebrate the fact it’s the weekend! Yes people, Lily may be my first name but Decadence is my middle one!

Oh and of course there’s my snail like episode review project, so if anything pops up into my head from that I’ll give that a shout too.

And as an offshoot to my devotion to Prisoner, I’ll watch anything and everything else to come out of Australia… films, miniseries, serials, you name it! I especially love the breadth and depth of product that came from those shores during the “golden era” of the 1970s and 80s.

At the moment the viewing schedule on LTV (Lily TV!) is a box of delights which includes Sons & Daughters (altogether now… “love and laughter, tears and sadness and happiness!”), those spunky Young Doctors, Neighbours (because everybody needs good ones!), Home & Away ("You know we belong together!"), the camp fabulousness of Return To Eden (let’s hear it for 1980s excess!), an occasional dip into the goings on in Wandin Valley in A Country Practice (although, unsurprisingly, I’m struggling squashing that in on top of everything else!), oh and an excellent period piece from the 1970s called Against The Wind which I can’t wait to tell you some more about.

One of the things I enjoy most about these of course is playing the Prisoner spotting game, because with the industry being relatively small out there, so much Australian film and television is populated with the escapees or pre-scapees from the dear old show and I just love to see what the actors are capable of in other things. Especially in some of the less current, more obscure in this day and age things I’ve come across, there have been more than a few pleasant surprises along the way that hopefully I’ll have chance to mention in due course.

And so if anything Prisoner related lights my fire or floats my boat about these I’ll let you know too. That and anything else in the way of Wentworth that eventuates through chatting with my cobbers or that I happen to blunder across myself as I bumble away through life in my usual jumbly fashion!